South Park S01E01 "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe" as Told in Haikus

Season One begins,

Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

Trey Parker, Matt Stone

Standing at bus stop,

Ike followed, what a dildo,

Look, kick the baby!

Cartman very tired,

Bogus nightmares all night long,

Didn’t sleep at all

Lying in his bed,

Bright blue light illuminates,

Door slowly opens

Pulled through the hallway,

Lying on table, aliens!

Operation, just a dream

No dude, Visitors!

Take people, mutilate cows

Cartman claims not real

Chef drives up, pimp car

What’s for lunch? Salisbury Steak

Visitors are real

Chef asks, anal probe?

Cartman says no, just a dream

Sorry about your ass

Crabtree is a bitch,

Ike still there, Visitors grab

Crabtree won’t stop bus

Farmer’s cows are dead,

“Cows turn themselves inside out,

All the time” –Barbrady

Mr. Hat teaching,

Columbus, Douglas, Hebrews

Napoleon too

Scared will be trouble,

“Where has that finger been Kyle?”

I need to find Ike!

Mr. Hat says no,

Have to stay in class Kyle

Cartman farts fire

Cows waiting for train,

You cows can’t get on this train,

This is people train

Cartman farts some more,

Still says Visitors not real,

Flames come out his ass

Stan is enamored,

He likes Wendy Testaburger,

Throws up when she talks

Letter delivered,

Meet at Stark’s Pond after school,

To Stan from Wendy

Chef sings little song,

Gonna make love to woman,

Do you feel better?

Cartman farts some more,

Anal probe device comes out,

Chef pulls the alarm

Got out of school day,

Cartman can’t stop the fire,

Alien control

He loves to sing-a,

‘Bout the moon-a and the June-a

What the hell was that?

Give me back brother!

Alien ship shoots Kenny,

Oh my god, bastards!

Kenny’s ok though,

Cow’s stampede, crushing Kenny

Oh wait, he’s still fine

Siren, lights flashing

Cop car drives over Kenny,

Now he’s dead, bastard!

Cartman says not dead,

Stan stick pokes, Kyle pulls head,

Screw you guys, going home

Stan leaves for Wendy,

Can’t help Kyle, needs lovin’,

While the getting’s hot

There’s Powdered Donut,

Pancake Surprise for Cartman,

Eensie weensie bite?

No Mem, don’t want it,

Chocolate Chicken Pot Pie?

Well that does sound good

At Starks Pond Stan pukes,

Kyle says get to business,

Make love by fire

News report, crop circles,

No Kitty! Is my pot pie!

Kitty is dildo

Wendy has a plan,

Use fat kid, alien bait

Good plan, Stan throws up

Friends at Cartman’s house,

Need time with little friends,

Go play at bus stop

Cartman tied to tree,

I don’t think I have to fart,

Fart some more Cartman!

Farts satellite dish,

Now do you believe, Cartman?

Can’t trick me, was dream

Ass dish beams to space,

Almost time Sanford and Sons,

Aliens appear

Kyle passionate,

Little brother is special,

Aliens ignore

What is wrong with you?

Ignore a crying child?!

Ike jump down from there!

Aliens to cows:
You are most wise on planet,

Here is a present

Aliens depart,

Cartman sucked up into ship,

No one notices

Stan talks to Wendy,

This time he doesn’t throw up,

Wendy goes to kiss

Stan throws up this time,

Hey look a French fry! There's more

Episode closes

Scouting in Illinois: Grave of William D. Boyce

Ottawa, Illinois was once home to, and the final resting place, of William D. Boyce. The city pays tribute to this founding father of Boy Scouts with the Ottawa Historical and Scouting Museum. Half of the small museum houses exhibits on local history and the other half is devoted to scouting. Boy Scouts and Girls Scouts are both represented in the museum. Boyce also founded the Lone Scouting program, which is well-represented in the museum.

Boyce’s final home is in the Ottawa Cemetery. His grave is memorialized with a memorial statue of a Boy Scout wearing a scouting uniform.

It was a sub-zero day in January when we visited the Ottawa, IL sites that pay homage to William D. Boyce. We were on the tail end of a 3-day trip to Starved Rock State Park and had timed our visit to be sure to be able to visit the Scouting Museum. We pulled up to the Museum and were the only ones there, save for the lone elderly man sweeping snow off the sidewalk. We got out of the car and he asked us if he could help us. We told him we were there for the museum and he came over to open it up, we were the first visitors of the day. We made comments early on about being Scout leaders ourselves, and yet we still got much more of a tour than we anticipated. The friendly, but much too clingy, tour guide followed us through the Scouting room of the Museum telling us history we’ve known for years. I wandered off ahead to explore on my own, leaving my poor husband with the talkative guide. We then proceeded to the other room of the Museum, which houses mainly local history, as well as a reproduction of Boyce’s office and Boyce’s actual sofa back table. Again, we were unable to lose our guide. The previous day we had purchased a vintage Scout uniform from an antique shop and were unsure if it was from the 1920s or 1930s. Before leaving the museum, we went back to the Scouting room to compare their uniforms. We thought this time we would surely lose our escort since we had already been through the whole thing, but were sorely mistaken. As we tried to have a private conversation about the uniform we had bought, we were told about Boyce’s connection to Disney. We left as soon as possible, passing up the gift shop and the chance to buy unique patches.

William D. Boyce's Memorial in Ottawa Cemetery

After a quick stop at a statue memorializing the radium girls of Ottawa, we headed to the cemetery. There’s a sign showing the way to Boyce’s memorial at the front gate and it was just down the main road. We drove to the memorial and got out to look. The memorial has a lifesize statue of a Boy Scout in uniform. Anxious to get back into the warm car, we skipped Boyce’s actual grave in the nearby family plot.

William D. Boyce brought Boy Scouting to the US. Legend has it, he was in London, lost on a foggy day when a scout approached him and helped him find where he was going. When Boyce tried to tip the scout, he was refused, as the scout said it was part of his duty as a Boy Scout. A few months later Boyce founded the Boy Scouts of America in 1910.

Graceland Cemetery: Grave of George Pullman

Other than its size, George Pullman’s grave doesn’t seem that interesting. But hidden underneath, is the story of a man who’s controversial life caused him to fear retribution even after his death.

 A high school dropout at age 14, George Pullman started his working life helping his father relocate houses along the Erie Canal in New York. When he relocated to Chicago in search of more opportunities, he used that knowledge to come up with a way to raise up the buildings so that a sewage system could be constructed.

 To reach Chicago from New York, Pullman had ridden a cramped cross-country train. This inspired him to design a sleeping car that would be more comfortable on long trips. Pullman’s sleeping car first gained fame when it was used to transport President Lincoln’s body from Washington D.C. to Springfield, IL.

The demand for Pullman’s railroad cars kept growing, leading him to hire more and more workers. Pullman purchased 4,000 acres of land near Chicago and created what is still one of the most famous company towns. This area is now managed by the National Park Service.

While Pullman’s company was having success, across the nation laborers were starting to assemble. The Pullman workers were eligible to join the American Railway Union and started airing their grievances. Negotiations were not successful, and so, a strike was called. Union members stopped any work dealing with Pullman cars, the effects of which were felt nationwide. The Illinois government tried to intervene and military members were sent to Chicago to try to stop the strike. This only made things worse and mob action grew once the military was there.

Eventually the strike did end, and the ARU ended as well. After the strike, things didn’t quite go back to normal in the company town. People were upset over living conditions and feeling that the company was taking advantage of them.

 George Pullman and his family knew he had screwed up. The family was so fearful of someone digging up Pullman’s body to desecrate or for ransom that they had the coffin covered in tar and asphalt. The coffin was then encased in a large block of concrete that was reinforced with railroad ties.


Sources:
https://www.nps.gov/pull/learn/historyculture/the-pullman-story-part-2.htm https://graveyards.com/IL/Cook/graceland/pullman.html
Photo: Author's Own

Blog Resurrection 2: Electric Boogaloo

It's been five years since I've last touched this blog and so much has changed! Well, my life has changed, but my love of learning has not. I now work in education and being surrounded by learning everyday only motivates me more to continue my self-studies. I am back on Blogger to chronicle my MOOC obsession, reading, and travel. I also wanted a place to publish pieces I've submitted to Atlas Obscura that haven't been published there. I love visiting weird places, and now also, researching new ones. I love the excitement of falling down a rabbit hole of interesting research! Really, this blog is just for me. I've never had regular readers and doubt I ever will. But, if I'm going to be writing these things down anyways, why not slap them up here, just in case?